The Bleak Year Ahead

The thinning river of humanity
Black muddy bank of reality
Throbbing sleety rain of tears
That green safe cover that it was
Is now a deserted land
The helping hand that was
Is now dried up rock

Things we cherished
depart day by day
The fear looms
that we shall too perish soon

A murmur from the place
between life and death
A cry for life
A fight for right

Nothing changes
The new year
brings no new hope
Its just another day
For every Nirbhaya alive

A nice quote

A quote my grandpa used to carry around in his wallet

Dear Friends .. I hate you

Many would say that if tomorrow is the end of the world, tell people how much you love them.

But I would say, tell people how much you hated them, coz you have lived all your life acting to be nice to them and dealing with them everyday. Before we die we deserve to have that peace of mind which comes from yelling at someone. 

So here is my list  .. My Hate list

Dear Sasikala , 3rd Std B section, Stealing my pencil with rubber head was not good. Pinching me and making me sit at the end of the table while you occupied the whole seat were barbaric acts. I hate you. 

Dear Chandrasekar , 5th Std A section, telling my cousin brother that I cried in the class (for the reason I don't remember now) was very uncool. you broke all laws of friendship. I hate you.

Dear Nandini and Nirmala , 7th std x section, asking "When did Gandhiji kick the bucket?" in the class history quiz was cheating and was against rules. Your father may have been an English professor but you cannot expect the whole class to understand "kick the bucket". 

My team lost because of this question. I hate you. 

Dear Pavithra , 8th Std A section, you were my best friend when I joined Boston. your grey big eyes were always questioning me.. but i don't remember those questions now. you were quite intimidating . don't know why. still we sat together in all classes for one whole year!! 

Dear Mahalakshmi Ma'am , beating me with scale for scoring 99 for losing 100 by one mark, coz Karthik from 12B was able to score 100, was an atrocity. I suffered from performance anxiety for long time. 

Dear Priya and Pragan (9th std to 12th std) and Kavitha (4yrs BE) 

you girls were and are beautiful. I was always with you girls during school and college. The ugly duckling in me was sad sometimes as you all hogged all the limelight all the time. 

Dear AP@#*&^* , you are a bitch. 

Dear ex-colleagues, taking me for granted that I will work late hours coz you missed the requiremenmts of that module and dumping the work on me .. was WRONG. You will be fried in hell day after tomorrow.

Dear Santhosh .. Stop reading my FB posts and blog posts for finding grammatical errors.  :P 

Dear All my FB friends.. When I say I broke my leg.. stop "like"ing it. 

Dear  everyone who called me as "Preeth" or "Preethey".. Mt. everest will come rolling and fall on your head if tomorrow is the doomsday. 

Dear Husband. "HMMM" is not the reply I expect when I complain of bursting head ache. 

Dear Preethe.. Yeah you. Get a life. Snap out of the anger . Stop writing crap and start living. 

HAAAA.. such a relief. I can rest in peace now. 

Good bye friends for now. See you after doomsday.

I am going to get so drunk tomorrow that I would know that the world ended when I meet you all in HELL. 

Lets go paint Hell red. 

Girls... Kavitha, Priya.. I love you both.. you both still rock!

Confused or Confirmed Atheist?

Say Dec 21st 2012 actually is the doomsday
Then I will be dead. So i wont be alive to believe in God.

If we live after Dec 21st 2012
Then I don't have a reason to believe in God.

OK I know.. I am messed up agnostic right now.

The new murphy law

If the possibility exists of several body parts itching,
The one that will itch the most
Will itch like hell
While playing temple run

The phase of life

That phase where we move from being exceptionally excluded to optionally included. #sucks

That only Question

The answer to this
Would help me through
Or break me down.

The question is
Am I good enough?

Zindagi.. kaisi hai paheli

Dilon mein tum apni               
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho               
Toh zinda ho tum               
Nazar mein khwabon ki               
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho               
Toh zinda ho tum

I just love these words.
And love this movie

A good evening

Attended my cousin's daughter's wedding reception.
Met a few interesting people.
Met a few close relatives for the first time ( ironic isnt it)

Had a good time with my brother and sister in law.
An evening well spent.

Down the Memory Lane

Past is a desolated castle
Search for the forgotten
Ends in the dim lit memory lane
Echoes of giggles
Whispers of deadly screams
Pierces the mist
The white light on the mirror
The familar forgotten face
The silence, the pain
And the image that looked
A lot more fat....

This , That and All

1st Person: You did "This" because of this,  you were forced to do "that" which failed. You were not supposed to "this"  as it is wrong.
2nd Person: As a part of usual routine I did "this" . dont know why "that" failed. I asked others if "that" failed coz of them. Got no answer from them.

Now does that qualify the 2nd person from doing "this" coz nobody took the blame for the failed "that" even after the 2nd person knows that doing "this" is wrong.

That awkward Moment a piece of code reminds of receding hairline.

That moment when you are trying to paste a piece of code in the internal chat messenger..
That moment when one small piece of code is pasted..
and that moment when next small piece of code is starting with : PRECEDING_ACTION:"Update Dayblah bhlah bhal**"
And that moment.. when you copied only : PRECEDING and pasted it ..
and that exact awakward moment when : P is showing as :P and you think of that person's
receding hairline..

Someone kill me please

Sometimes...

Sometimes we wish to go back in the memory lane.
Sometimes we wish to stare at the vacant plane.

Sometimes all we need is a hug to reassure.
Sometimes we need a kick to push us out of remorse. 

Sometimes we need a company to refurbish the broken role
Sometimes we need a soul to polish our sunken soul.

Sometimes we aren't strong to stand up by self
At times we need that friend to find ourself. 

Don't know what to name it!!

It was 6.30 PM. The moment I stepped out of the vegetable shop .. an eerie feeling hit me.

I was standing in the middle of a new creed of species!! A creed called "Young Software Engineers". Their dresses ranged from perfect formals to torn jeans. A few carrying a laptop bag and others carrying just a lunch box pouch which holds a few Tupperware boxes. The girls in high heels and straightened  hair had their eyes glued to the new smart phones or were busy animatedly talking with their colleague / boy friend.

But one thing was very common among this whole group. They all looked proud. They had a sense of achievement on their face.

That look on their face left me wondering .. What is the real reason behind these proud looking faces. The tasks which they delivered at work .. or the pay check they will be given by the end of the month?

In my 9 years in this software service industry, I have not invented anything.. All I have done is used one or more existing software to provide the service requested by the client. I may have designed a few systems, but they were all created on an existing platform provided.   The pride I had during the college days when I was one among who cleared all papers and had a job after the first semester .. I dont have that pride anymore.. coz I know the backbenchers in my batch are doing much much more better in non-IT fields than what I am right now. And I am proud of them.

So these "Young Software Engineers" .. What makes them so proud?

I have seen a few of them in my previous work place. Occupying cafeteria for hours , coz they do not have a work station allocated, as they are not into project for the last one year!!  I have seen that girl with straightened hair going out of the restroom leaving the toilet seat wet.

Not that I say not being in project is their mistake .. But yet .. The moment they step out of the work place .. this pride sticks to their face.. I still wonder how and why.

Zindagi, Dogs, Politics, Payment, Walk and Ipod

Early morning walk around the lake always prepares me to face the day and all its atrocities.
I was walking with my thoughts pregnant about the movie which I saw yesterday "Zindagi Nah Milegi Dobara".

Something inside me kept repeating these lines from the movie
               Dilon mein tum apni
               Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
               Toh zinda ho tum
               Nazar mein khwabon ki
               Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
               Toh zinda ho tum

I usually see a small girl playing with 3 dogs. She must be the daughter of some building construction worker. Today she was missing but the dogs were running around and  barking. That is when I noticed there were 2 new dogs in the locality and these 3 dogs were barking at those 2 intruders displaying territorial threat. In a very strange way this reminded me of politicians and their election speeches. I made a mental mode of using this as an example to explain the concept of "survival of the fittest" to my son as I walked away from that place.

In the midst of the silence around the lake and a fading dog barks.. I heard this man talking very loud on cell phone. His teenage slightly obese daughter accompanies him everyday. Today she was walking a few yards behind him allowing her dad to attend the phone call. I could hear him shouting "Ghar aaoge? Dhamki dhena math. Kya meine payment dhene se inkar kiya?"   I walked past his daughter. I glanced at her to smile as I usually do and noticed her moist eyes.
I could not do much but think of lines from "Zindagi Nah Milegi Dobara" 
              Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
              Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
              Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
              Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
              Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
              Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
              Duniya mein yunhi hota hai

A realization.. people around me also have life and pain. they are not just lurkers in the movie where me and my family are the main characters. 

And then I saw that handsome lady who jogs in the cricket ground next to lake. She was leaving the ground and I saw her come to the pavement where the bikes are parked.  She then took out her key and started that Thunderbird Big bike. All these days I was thinking that this thunderbird belonged to that bald man who sits on the bench near the lake and smokes!!  That old man in long white kurta over a grey formal trouser was sitting in a different bench and not on the bench near the boat.

So many observations in a day!! thats when I realized another thing. Sometimes we are too engrossed or afraid to switch off and look up from our iPhones / iPod to see the reality.  I remembered my Srivats's words "We should switch off the lights to see the stars". 

Yielding to Temptation

I had been wanting you ever since I saw you on TV.

I saw you in the market the other day.

You looked so inviting. I wanted to have you.

Felt guilty, coz I had been loyal all these years. I felt torn.

But I just could not control myself any longer.

You came with a price. But I thought you were worth it.

I had you in my hands. The moment you touched my lips.. eeeekssssssss.. you tasted burnt.

Dear Oreo biscuits .. you suck.

Dear Bourbon Biscuits .. you are always the best. And I love you so

So Whats plan for the weekend?

Did you just ask me that question

Hmm. ok .. So here are my plans.

I am presently planning to go to Switzerland for a skiing resort.
After that I am planning to drive to Denmark to visit the little mermaid.
And yeah, if possible visit the most famous Copenhagen prison too

After Denmark, I am planning to go Netherlands, to run around those green pastures.
May be I will bring you all a few litres of fresh milk.
SMS me if you want me to carry a few litres of foreign cow's milk back to India.

And later if time permits, I would fly to England and walk on the London Bridge and set my watch time based on Big Ben. Then I plan to meet our beloved Queen and maybe I will have breakfast with Prince William and Kate.

Hey hey .. why are you looking so surprised.. Doesn’t that sound great?
Looks like you are still not convinced...OK may be I will change it to visiting NASA. How does this sound.

Guys .. Beware …Before you ask me this question .. ever ever ever again
Even after knowing that all that I may be doing over the weekend is the week's laundry and cleaning my son's shoes and visiting grocery store for next week's preparation.

Beware..

And then don’t look surprised when I tell you my plans to visit Moon for buying a plot.

Work Life Balance .. Gender Equality .. Blah Blah Blah

Let me tell you one big rude truth ..
We are not equal to Men.. And we can never be.
Now Now now .. Don't barge to attack.. Continue reading

What do you want to balance?? Work and life??
And why does this discussion happen only with respect to female crowd??
Doesn't our spouse , brother , male colleague or friend also have the same balance to strike?

Work and Life .. complement each other.

So Ladies .. Listen..

Stop rushing .. You will see
the same moon tonight wherever you go!

Prioritize ..
You can never be in two places at the same time.
So stop cribbing about missing an important meeting while at home.
And stop worrying about not playing book cricket with your son while attending your conference call.

Be present.. 100%
You cannot give anything more than 100%.
Can you fill 2 litre in a 1 litre pepsi bottle? No
But yes you can give 100% for every moment
So be at home or work .. give it 100% for that moment.

Sometimes You are ahead, sometimes You are behind,
The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Dont try too hard .. we are all super Women in our own simple ways.

On the lighter note..

Pray
Pray God for patience
Pray God that your husband finds his lost favorite T-shirt in the the same draw rather than yelling for you
Pray God that your kid finishes his/her breakfast without throwing a tantrum

And now remember we are not equal to men..
We can attain that equality only if we can walk on the street with messed hair .. pot belly and still think we are attractive

Vechchan Da Aapppu

Venue: Balcony, Home.

Time: Afternoon

Raghav: Amma.. Why do these squirrel have those lines on the back??

Me: hmmm .. do you remember, thatha told you Ramayana story?

Raghav: hmmmmm

Me: Where did Rama go to get Seetha and fought with Ravana?

Raghav: SriLanka

Me: good. How did he cross the sea?

Raghav: Monkeys helped him

Me: how did monkeys help him?

Raghav: They carried stones and built a bridge

Me: correct. at that time, there was a one squirrel. This squirrel also wanted to build the bridge. It picked up small stones and helped Rama. Rama was very happy and stroked Squirrel's back with his fingers. the lines on squirrel's back are impressions of Rama's fingers.

Raghav: huh?? Was Rama's hand that dirty???? Hasnt that squirrel taken bath yet?? If I catch hold of that squirrel and wash him with lots of soap will those lines go???

Me: (Vechchan Da Aapppu) now .. will you go wash your hand and have your snacks???

Lesson Learnt:

Never tell stories to kid to explain things which have scientific reasons

I have my ghost in my head

I hear voices
It scolds me when I do wrong
It tells me when I love a song
It divides me from myself
Me and My Contradictions
When I try to make it dead
I become anonymous inside my own head