Don't know what to name it

You peer into my eyes
Make me trance
Holding me firm
Leading me to life.

Your name
Spells my life so perfect
The way I always craved.
Your existence
Makes me live
As a blessing untold.

Falling and Rising in Love

Falling in love at first sight is deceiving.
We fall in love with the idea of someone
And not with the one who is receiving.
People only reveal themselves in pieces.
We fill in the gaps, with what we forced ourself into believing.

Rising in love is self revealing.
In midst of silent stolen gazes
When no words are spoken yet more is said than what you intended saying.
You look into their eyes and there is no disguise
The gaps are filled with trust then life is more fulfilling.

Don't shoo me away

Ringing Phone
Buzzing Notifications
Worrying list of Unticked to-do list
What do I start next
What do I ignore next

Corner cubicle
Overlooking lush green patch
encircled by concrete jungle.
Lost in work
And losing in life.

Red and Blue, Gold and pink
Colors of life,
Talking butterfly on laptop , hallucinating?
fluttering with gay
On the pale excel grid.

"Dont shoo me away. I am you.
Come along, lets take a walk.
Dont shoo me away. I am you.
Fly along lets have a view"
Cant you see I am skyping

Red, Blue and  Gold , Where did your pink go?
Get off my hair ,before I shoo you away
"Dont shoo me away. I am you.
Lets go out and make some friends "
cant you see I am mailing.

Red and Blue ,Gold is gone too.
Please Dont fade away.
"Then Dont shoo me away. I am you.
lets go out and Find life"
My Life is here. Cant you see I am working.

Just Red and now you are pale.
What do you want from me?
"Dont shoo life away. I am you.
Dont give up on you."

With Glimmering hope also came a buzzing call
I answered - Yes Sir. You will have the data in 15 mins.
"Colors faded , now I am just a fly
You shooed your life away'

It is me I am looking for

I was panicking yesterday
Coz I dint know
of What I was afraid

I am still looking today
And I now know
of what I am searching

In the worry about tomorrow
Lost myself in fear
Searching for self in today's pain.

It is me, I am looking for..
It is the me whom I lost yesterday

Today is the tomorrow
I was afraid of yesterday.

I survived today.
I Will survive tomorrow.

** not very happy with this

The Year that was

This year that was..
A year to undream and undust
A year that showed the unmasked self
A year of unwritten fates and obituaries
A year that shed those uncried tears
A year which needs to be unlived to unlearn

Whatever

That exact moment
where you have nowhere to go
no one to lookup to
no one to vent
no soul who would understand leave alone support
when all that is around is misunderstanding and disappointment

Sucking everything out of "whatever is left of life"

wondering if I am the biggest disappointment ever. EVER

How I kept up my 2013 resolutions

1. Start Each day with enthusiasm

          Yup started each day with a bang and then a banging head ache.

This year I am going to set the alarm ringtone to some song starting with "Enthusiasm"

2. Be super happy with what you have

          Yup I am happy with my thinning hair. Yup Super duper happy.        

3. Improve Vocabulary

Spent hours browsing through Imgur to understand the jokes on "your and you are and ur".

          Wonderful learning indeed. You should try reading them sometime.

4. Maintain weight

Losing weight is hard. So maintaining weight is much easier.  So even after i put on 10 kgs, I try to maintain it.

          Hard Task. But yes I am still maintaining it.

5. Read those books

Going through a the last 2 pages of that book, damn I dont remember the name of that book. Yeah I did read those 2 pages to see if I had noted down the phone number of the pest control guy there.

6. Start Driving

          I did drive the car which was parked on the tow truck. Dint I ?

7. Spend less time in front of computer

Bought a new tab. spent rest of the hours on the tab. Now I spend only office hours on laptop.

8. Meet new people.

Spoke to that officer in Mumbai international terminal coz i wanted a luggage trolley. This counts right. Yeah it does.

9. Learn something new

Never wear a stiletto to a new office building before you know what kind of carpet / flooring they have. Never I say... Never

10. Complete everything which I ever start

Completed watching Twilight Saga - Breaking Dawn Part 2.  You know it is such a difficult task to watch all three parts, just because you watched part 1 and you have to stick to your resolution. Go through it and you will know the pain.

Based on my 2013 experience , I have decided to keep my 2014 resolution very simple:

"Become a Ghost Hunter"

So easy to achieve this I say. Come back near year to know my Ghost hunting experiences

Mourn, my friend!
I can give no comfort
As I mourn with you

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal
Death leaves an empty space which no one call fill
It leaves behind memories
sometime as fresh as nothing is past
It stops all the clocks
And Roars all the thoughts

Mourn, my friend!
I can give no comfort
As I mourn with you

A nice quote

A quote my grandpa used to carry around in his wallet

A good evening

Attended my cousin's daughter's wedding reception.
Met a few interesting people.
Met a few close relatives for the first time ( ironic isnt it)

Had a good time with my brother and sister in law.
An evening well spent.

Down the Memory Lane

Past is a desolated castle
Search for the forgotten
Ends in the dim lit memory lane
Echoes of giggles
Whispers of deadly screams
Pierces the mist
The white light on the mirror
The familar forgotten face
The silence, the pain
And the image that looked
A lot more fat....

Sometimes...

Sometimes we wish to go back in the memory lane.
Sometimes we wish to stare at the vacant plane.

Sometimes all we need is a hug to reassure.
Sometimes we need a kick to push us out of remorse. 

Sometimes we need a company to refurbish the broken role
Sometimes we need a soul to polish our sunken soul.

Sometimes we aren't strong to stand up by self
At times we need that friend to find ourself. 

Zindagi, Dogs, Politics, Payment, Walk and Ipod

Early morning walk around the lake always prepares me to face the day and all its atrocities.
I was walking with my thoughts pregnant about the movie which I saw yesterday "Zindagi Nah Milegi Dobara".

Something inside me kept repeating these lines from the movie
               Dilon mein tum apni
               Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
               Toh zinda ho tum
               Nazar mein khwabon ki
               Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
               Toh zinda ho tum

I usually see a small girl playing with 3 dogs. She must be the daughter of some building construction worker. Today she was missing but the dogs were running around and  barking. That is when I noticed there were 2 new dogs in the locality and these 3 dogs were barking at those 2 intruders displaying territorial threat. In a very strange way this reminded me of politicians and their election speeches. I made a mental mode of using this as an example to explain the concept of "survival of the fittest" to my son as I walked away from that place.

In the midst of the silence around the lake and a fading dog barks.. I heard this man talking very loud on cell phone. His teenage slightly obese daughter accompanies him everyday. Today she was walking a few yards behind him allowing her dad to attend the phone call. I could hear him shouting "Ghar aaoge? Dhamki dhena math. Kya meine payment dhene se inkar kiya?"   I walked past his daughter. I glanced at her to smile as I usually do and noticed her moist eyes.
I could not do much but think of lines from "Zindagi Nah Milegi Dobara" 
              Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
              Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
              Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
              Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
              Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
              Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
              Duniya mein yunhi hota hai

A realization.. people around me also have life and pain. they are not just lurkers in the movie where me and my family are the main characters. 

And then I saw that handsome lady who jogs in the cricket ground next to lake. She was leaving the ground and I saw her come to the pavement where the bikes are parked.  She then took out her key and started that Thunderbird Big bike. All these days I was thinking that this thunderbird belonged to that bald man who sits on the bench near the lake and smokes!!  That old man in long white kurta over a grey formal trouser was sitting in a different bench and not on the bench near the boat.

So many observations in a day!! thats when I realized another thing. Sometimes we are too engrossed or afraid to switch off and look up from our iPhones / iPod to see the reality.  I remembered my Srivats's words "We should switch off the lights to see the stars". 

Work Life Balance .. Gender Equality .. Blah Blah Blah

Let me tell you one big rude truth ..
We are not equal to Men.. And we can never be.
Now Now now .. Don't barge to attack.. Continue reading

What do you want to balance?? Work and life??
And why does this discussion happen only with respect to female crowd??
Doesn't our spouse , brother , male colleague or friend also have the same balance to strike?

Work and Life .. complement each other.

So Ladies .. Listen..

Stop rushing .. You will see
the same moon tonight wherever you go!

Prioritize ..
You can never be in two places at the same time.
So stop cribbing about missing an important meeting while at home.
And stop worrying about not playing book cricket with your son while attending your conference call.

Be present.. 100%
You cannot give anything more than 100%.
Can you fill 2 litre in a 1 litre pepsi bottle? No
But yes you can give 100% for every moment
So be at home or work .. give it 100% for that moment.

Sometimes You are ahead, sometimes You are behind,
The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Dont try too hard .. we are all super Women in our own simple ways.

On the lighter note..

Pray
Pray God for patience
Pray God that your husband finds his lost favorite T-shirt in the the same draw rather than yelling for you
Pray God that your kid finishes his/her breakfast without throwing a tantrum

And now remember we are not equal to men..
We can attain that equality only if we can walk on the street with messed hair .. pot belly and still think we are attractive

I am amazed

Do you know anyone who can recount an incident in following ways:

1. In active voice
2. In passive voice
3. In first person's view
4. In second person's view
5. In third person's view
6. Finally conclude in their own view...

I know ...
And I am amazed..

Happy Birthday Raghav

Tomorrow (August 11th) is Raghav's Birthday ..
He is completing 4 years ..
And it looks like yesterday when

1. He was introduced to bloigword by his dada and he ranted that people around him arewierd..

2. He was dressed up like a girl before his mundan ..Tht was just a few days before his first birthday

3. I though life would be easy when he was terrible 3

And today he wants to join his dad as an energy engineer.. and he loves computer games. and sometimes teaches me windows shortcuts ..

Today he says he is a big boy ..



So true ..
Making the decision to have a child--It's momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body

Happy Friendship Day

Thanks friends .. For raining happiness in my life..
Happy Friendshipday to all ..

Tagged to Good old days

Thanks Sri for tagging me ..

I relived my memories ..

1981 - 1986

Appo naanga Mysorela irundhom. So remember spending my holidays at my maternal grand parents' place in Trichy. I used tO love that Trichy house... A typical old Agraharam veedu with thinnai,railiway paltform maadhiri long hall, hall sidela chinna chinna rooms and kitchen at the end. Visits to Thiruvaanikaaval (Thiru Aaani Kaaval) also called Akilandeshwari temple used to be my favourite timepass. koyil kolathula neraya meen irukkum. adhukku pori pottundu irundha timeporadhe theriyadhu. ange oru kutti aanai irukkum.. Andhukku rice and vellam pottu periya periya urundai panni ootuvaanga.. supera irukkum paarka..

Apparam .. Mysore.. had a lot of tourist attarctions. Chamundi Hills, Brindavan Gardens, Najangud and many more ..Summer Holidaysla Chitthi, Chithappa with their kids, aththai paati , maama and family ellarum varunga.. Amma used to take them for a guided tour to all these places.. My favourite used to be Brindavan gardens and the musical fountain shows.

Pic 1: Naane dhan
Pic 2: With Mom and Dada.. taken in some Mysore exhibition

1987- 1993






We shifted to Chennai from Mysore. My materanl grandparents also moved in with us after selling our Trichy house. Chennaila Ayanavaramla settle aanom. Our house was quite near our maama thatha and maama's house. Their's was a joint family. Adanla eppovum jejennu kootama irukkum avanga veedu. Ennoda cousins , second cousins , third cousins ellorum iruppanga.. orey kooththu dhan.

Maama veetula rendu maanga maram irukkum. maanga adichucha veetula thittu vilum.. so periyavanga ellarum thoonginapparam maanga adippom.. Kitchenla salt and molaga podi edukka thada irundhadhu.. adhanala therumonaila oru thatha cut mango kada vechipaar.. anga poyi salt thirudindu varuvaanga.. Ellam ready panninundu out-housela poyi sema koothadippom.. Apparam .. night dinnerkku mottamaadila
ellaraiyum okkaravechchu saapadu poduvanga.. Wonderful days.

Soup panrennu maggi tastemakera hot waterla karaichu maamava kudikka vachchadu innum niyagabam irukku .. Paavam Raja maama .. he dint utter a word.. he drank the whole cup of soup..

Apparam .. amma and appa kooda neraiya oorukku poyirukkom.. ooty, madurai, Coimbatore, Thirunaveli, Tanjavore, kuttraalam, Mukkombu dam, Bombay.. We used to frequently visit Trichy to meet my grandmother's chiththi..(our great grandmother).

Pic 1: Mukkombu Dam with mom , dad , bro , Anu aththai family, Vidhu and Raghu
Pic 2: Ayanavaram veedu - bro , Chiththi's kids( satish , krupa), (innoru chiththi's kid) Bhargavi
Pic 3: Little Folks theme park- Priya, Nivi, Bro and Ramesh

1994 - 1998


10th std and 12th std timela engeyum poga mudiyala .. more over we shifted to Alwarpet. so our visit frequnecy to Ayanavaram also reduced. But school friendsoda nalla enjoy panniyirukken.. Kazhudha ketta kutti sevuru maadhiri.. engalukku Boat club road and Mcrennet bakery dhan kutti sevuru.

I love dogs.. Enga veetukku pinnadi Demonty colony park irukkum.. adukku walking kootindu vara dogs ellam ennoda friends.. Doogie and Bruno were my best friends :)
Photola irukaradhu Bruno ..

Pic: Alwarpet Veedu - two dogs (Bro and Bruno) :-P

1998 -2002





Golden days of my life..Wonderful college with 650-acre campus.. situated on beautiful plateau. According to amma and appa .. naan anga padichcha four yearsum enakku holidays dhan.. we never used to attend any classes..New Market, Dus Number market , Kota,Indian Coffee House (ICH), College Dam, campus temple etc etc etc
.. Romba enjoy pannen.. miss those days.. Evenings hostel maadila poyi okandhu pesa aarambichcha time poradhe theriyadhu.. And ofcourse mess table discussions were the best..

Pic 1: Hostel maadi
Pic 2: In fornt of new ICH , New market Bhopal

2002 - till date

Work panna start pannapparama breakknu eduthadhu marraige timela one month. Srilanka and Singapore trips were wonderful. Apparam Raghav was born. Ippollam Raghava Childrens park and beachkku kootindu
poradhu dhan holidaysla naanga panra orey vela..

Pic 1: Guindy Children's park




Indha photola enga total gange irukku .. except Vidhu.. We met last weekend for our Cousin Balaji's wedding.. angeyum poyi sema ruckus pannom.. Total fun..


I woud like to tag : Ones and Zeros - Kiran , Meproteus - Rajesh

Ideal Life

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain

Good friends -- tick
Good books -- tick
Sleepy conscience -- working on it ..

I used to be person of extreme indifference.. about others, things I do and myself. Indifference had once taken over me ..

But these days.. I have become a creature of extreme emotions. I can either love or hate. There is no middle ground.

I wish I could get back to the old "So What" attitude