Its been so long.. So very long.
Life has been a roller coaster, off late mostly of all lows .. Or should I say, a fall into an abyss.
Feeling so inadequate in everything I do.
Being neither a good mother, nor a good wife and absolutely not a good daughter-in-law.
And being worst manager and almost losing touch in being an individual contributor in the technology I used to love.
I don't even look forward for weekend, on the contrary I hate weekends as equally as I abhor weekdays. Feel like whatever that was called as life has been sucked out of me.
I don't even remember the last time I had a talk about anything apart from estimation, overrun, approvals , escalations, billing , resource replacements blah blah blah. At home it takes a lot and lot of effort even to smile. And If I manage to smile at all anywhere I feel guilty as hell as I don't like my own self, And I don't even have an iota of energy to work around and fix these.
Sometimes I feel like running to someone or anyone yelling to save me from what I am right now. But then wonder what is that I should be saved from?
Seeing all these old posts, I am wondering who were all these friends whom I have mentioned in these posts. Who are they?
I don't remember the last time when I said "I am fine" and I meant it.
